JOPLIN, Mo. — Those activist judges are at it again.

It’s bad enough that we have U.S. attorneys not being loyal enough to our president. Now we have a judge trying to impose his views of the world on the rest of us. And this judge didn’t just issue some ruling on torture or wiretapping. Nope, this judge decided to stick his legal nose where it clearly doesn’t belong. This judge decided that — in effect — husbands and wives need to be nice to each other.

I know!

To be fair, I’m not sure if the judge in the case is really a judge. The Associated Press story I saw referred to him as “Friend of the Court Referee David Elias,” but still. Actually, when you think about it, you’re probably better off having someone called a “referee” preside over a domestic-abuse case instead of a judge. Also, I’m not sure if Referee David Elias made an actual ruling or if he just got everyone to agree to his idea.

David was refereeing a court hearing between Eminem and his on-again/off-again wife, Kim Mathers. For those of you who like music, I should tell you that Eminem is a famous rapper. You can tell Eminem is a famous rapper because he doesn’t have to use his last name. Apparently, he is the Cher of rap. Or at least the Meat Loaf of rap.

I’m not one to make judgments about other people’s marriages, but it sounds as if Eminem and Kim’s marriage has been a little rocky. Wait, that’s not true. Bill and Hillary Clinton’s marriage has been a little rocky. Eminem and Kim’s marriage has been WAY rocky.

According to the AP story, the first time Eminem and Kim got married, it didn’t take. So after a few years, they tried again. Sadly, that one didn’t take either. By the way, that reminds me of something the great Bob Uecker said his dad once told him: “If at first you don’t succeed, try again. If you don’t succeed then, give up. No use making a damn fool of yourself.”

Bob Uecker’s dad was a wise man.

The thing is, since the second failed marriage, Eminem and Kim have sort of been bad-mouthing each other. That’s why they were sitting in Referee David Elias’ courtroom the other day. He wanted them to stop bad-mouthing each other. I don’t understand that. I don’t know about you, but I always thought bad-mouthing your spouse or your ex-spouse is what marriage is all about.

The problem, I guess, is that Eminem and Kim have taken to bad-mouthing each other in very public venues. Referee David Elias doesn’t think that’s a good thing, what with the couple having kids and all.

The kicker, the AP said, apparently was when Kim went on a Detroit radio show and said Eminem “was unfaithful and uncaring, and disparaged his sexual prowess.”

Again, I thought that was what marriage is all about. But that’s just me, I guess.

Referee David Elias got Eminem and Kim to agree to be nice to each other — at least in public.

I don’t think that’s legal. I don’t think our Founding Fathers intended for the courts to have the power to tell ex-spouses they have to be nice to each other. I remember “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” I don’t remember “Don’t call your husband a moron in front of his friend.”

Look, I’m not really worried about Eminem and Kim — they have lawyers. No, I’m worried about the rest of us. If an activist referee like David Elias can make two ex-spouses be nice to each other in public, what’s to stop some other activist referee or judge from ordering married spouses to be nice to each other in public?

See? All of a sudden this isn’t just a silly column about a spoiled, no-talent rapper and his ex-wife. This is serious stuff.

But there is something we can do. We can demand that activist judges and referees be replaced. We can start by replacing David Elias with someone else.

I’m thinking Bob Uecker.

Mike Pound writes for The Joplin (Mo.) Globe.